I forgave my Mother which I never thought I could ever do
Successful on the Outside, Crumbling on the Inside
Ellen was highly successful in her career, working as the head of a PR firm in London. Despite her professional achievements, she came from a challenging background. She didn’t know her father, and her mother struggled with mental health issues, having been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder. As the oldest of four children with three younger brothers, Ellen had taken on adult responsibilities from an early age.
External Success Felt Empty
On paper, Ellen had everything one could want - a successful career and a loving husband. Yet internally, she was struggling profoundly:
"Everything began to unravel. I had everything I could want on paper but felt desperately empty at my core”.
Her body and mind seemed disconnected. She carried guilt for feeling so depressed, while "‘having at all’. As she described it: "My body just stopped working for me, my mind was telling me everything was ok but my body was carrying on like someone had just died. It made no sense"
Ellen desperately wanted to feel happiness again and not be constantly fighting to keep sadness at bay, which was driving her crazy and becoming exhausting. The daily struggle to even get out of bed was taking its toll.
Finding Connection, Support, and Community
Ellen enrolled in Connect to Self, which provided her with a comprehensive approach to healing through:
Daily Action - Consistent practices that required her attention and commitment
Personalized Support - Being truly seen and acknowledged through both one-on-one and group work
Community Connection - Finally breaking the pattern of trying to heal alone—something she had done her entire childhood and teenage years
This approach addressed Ellen's lifelong pattern of isolation and having to be "the adult" in her family dynamic.
Her Healing Experience
During the course, Ellen:
Cried a lot, releasing suppressed emotions and learning to embrace, rather than bury, her emotions
Slept 12-14 hours, allowing her body to recover and carry the heaviness
Had to change her work patterns, which brought to light her core belief of unworthiness and constant need to prove her worth
“I laugh where my stomach hurts. I listen to music again. Its been fuckign awful at times Carla, but I do it again to feel how I feel now. Feel alive again and not empty and dead, On the outside to others it would look like nothing changed that month. But everything has changed inside of me”.
The Outcome: Reclaiming Joy and Setting Boundaries
Ellen has implemented significant lifestyle changes:
She has established clear boundaries around work, including turning off notifications
Now uses two separate phones, having previously believed she needed to be available 24/7
She is now enjoying work and sex again.
Most importantly, Ellen has began the process of feeling the pain of the the heartbreaking relationship she had with her mother, which will likely be a life long journey. This has had a profound impact on their relationship.
She has a far greater capacity to sit with her mother, while still knowing her boundaries. She knows she can stay one night, that's her limit. She feels she’s really softened towards her mother and is so grateful that this is now her reality, while her mum is still alive. She has developed compassion where there was once only pain, by allowing space for her feelings.
“I can accept her more, instead of always wishing things were different for her. I realise that energy isn't helping her either. She’s been through enough.
Healing your relationship with your mother (or any parental figure) is an absolute foundation to self love.